You've probably seen the trailer for Clash of the Titans (which was killer) and you've probably been considering seeing it when the crowds die down. The very idea of Liam Neeson decked out in shiny, Gondor armor and playing the part of the greek father-god, Zeus, made me giddy. But I've got bad news for you, folks. Even Liam Neeson couldn't even keep this one afloat. Buckling on its own weight, it just keeps sinking deeper into the archives of the forgettable film hall of shame.
Clash of the Titans uses a formula that should have worked. To break it down for you, it takes the story of Frank Miller's 300, coats it with a thick layer of fantasy and myth, raises the stakes (reducing 300 spartans to only one demigod fisherman, and expanding the Persian army to the gods and all of their armies), and does all of this within the teenager-friendly rating of PG-13. Like I said… it looks interesting on paper, but, as we all know, words and trailers can be deceiving.
What worked:
-The cast was mostly decent. The lead protagonist, Perseus (played by Sam Worthington), gets the job done. And Liam Neeson and Gemma Arterton definitely hold their ground even when there's little to hold on to.
-The Kraken looks impressive. They really do save the best special effects for the end.
What didn't work:
- There is little to no sense of peril in the entire film. You ask yourself at the end whether or not anyone important was actually in danger at any point in the story. Or I suppose a better question is whether or not there was anyone worth saving. Go ahead! Eat the people! I don't really care! With no real character development, what do you expect?
- The Kraken has less screen-time action than Scatman Crothers in Stanley Kubrick's THE SHINING. So if that was the reason you wanted to see this movie, you might as well just stick around the house and watch the trailer a few times.
- The people who made this movie had to be telling themselves, "man, the story just keeps getting in the way!" because character development was absolutely neglected and the character motivation was completely illogical. With all of Perseus' talents, abilities, and resources, he just wants to get revenge for his father by making the gods look bad so he can continue his unsuccessful career in fishing. I think they were trying to make him out to be some sort of an Hellboyish anti-hero rejecting his pre-destined nature, but the idea falls flat when not even the supporting cast can figure out why he is only interested in just being human. (*POTENTIAL SPOILER AHEAD!!!*) Even when he "gets the girl" at the end, in a vomit-inducing off-the-rails resolution, it looks as if he couldn't care less. When do I get to start fishing again?
- There were so many pointless sequences such as the "training" around the campfire. Instead of using the breathing time to do something useful like dialogue and character development, they just throw in some swordplay. His trainer sucks btw. The lesson consists of being tripped, laughed at, and getting whaled on. What a pointless scene. Although, no one really cares what these hollow characters say anyway, so I suppose needless, last-minute fighting instructions are better suited for this calibre of film.
- Hades (played by Ralph Fiennes), is weak at best. Whispers every line. So not threatening. Actually, by the end of the movie, I began questioning whether or not Hades was the villain of the story. He was dressed in black and killed some people, but in the whole mythological scheme of things I consider his motives more pure than Perseus' and Zeus'. Perseus is a vagabond bent on revenge and Zeus is a power-hungry adulterer. Hades just keeps getting screwed by people. He just wants justice. Apart from the visual clues that he was the villain, I don't think he was any more vile than the "protagonists".
In conclusion, if you like this film you might also enjoy:
- GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra
- The Scorpion King
- Star Wars: The Phantom Menace
- Avatar
(Although, if that is the case, I imagine you already have most of them on video, don't you?)